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To What Extent Is It Your Business How Your Ex-Spouse Parents Your Children?


Finalizing your divorce can be a welcome end to the constant battles over parenting that you and your spouse used to have before you were married.  Maybe your wife used to put too much pressure on your daughter about dressing nicely and looking presentable, and it made your blood boil, but it didn’t seem to upset your daughter too much.  Maybe your kids thought your husband’s PG-13 rated dad jokes were hilarious, but you thought they were disgusting and offensive.  A parenting plan sets out the lines of demarcation for co-parenting after a divorce.  It specifies what time your ex must transport the children to you for your weekly parenting time.  It clearly states the major decisions on which one spouse can override the other’s wishes if you can’t come to an agreement.  A sufficiently detailed parenting plan can resolve most conflicts before they begin.  To keep fighting about details not important enough to be listed in the parenting plan is a waste of the court’s time, and also a waste of your emotional resources.  A South Florida child custody lawyer can help you prevent and resolve parenting disagreements with your ex-spouse.

Micromanaging Your Ex-Spouse’s Parenting Style Is a Losing Battle

According to Diana Park of Scary Mommy, the best way to heal from the pain of the divorce is to accept the things that you can’t control when our children are with your ex-spouse.  When the children are with you, you get to do things your way, so it is only fair that your ex gets to make his or her own decisions about parenting, too.  In Park’s case, the sticking point was that her ex-husband moved in with his girlfriend almost as soon as the divorce was final.  As much as it upset her that the girlfriend was present when the children were with their father, she knew that complaining about it would only make her miserable and cause the children unnecessary stress.

Consider how many things you can’t control when your children are at school.  For all you know, they address their peers by an array of compound nouns that contain the lexeme “butt,” even though that word is not allowed in your house.  You may have raised your children as vegetarians since infancy, but can you be sure that a classmate has never floated your child a slice of turkey or a chicken nugget?  You don’t spend your days thinking about it, or else you would drive yourself crazy.  You know that your children are safe when they are with your ex, just like when they are at school, so the rest is just details.

When to Get the Courts Involved

If you think your children are unsafe, then you should confront your ex, contact your divorce lawyer, or both.  For example, if your ex leaves your children unsupervised for an extended period or uses drugs in the children’s presence, it is a serious problem.  Likewise, if your ex does not abide by the parenting plan, the courts will back you up.  Finally, not all personality conflicts are minor.  It is worth speaking up if your daughter tells you that her stepmother frequently tells her she should lose weight and criticizes her food choices, or if your ex intentionally bullies your son in order to toughen him up.

Contact Us Today for Professional Help

When co-parenting with your ex, don’t sweat the small stuff, but do contact a Boca Raton child custody lawyer when a serious problem arises.  Contact Schwartz | White for help with your case.



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