Divorce and the Default Parent
A recent article on the Scary Mommy website described how “default parent syndrome” can lead to the breakdown of marital relationships and even, sometimes, to divorce. Raising a child with your spouse is a major challenge. One parent, often the mother, can feel that she bears the greater share of the burden for the children’s daily care, even if both parents spend an equal number of hours per week on paid employment. When this happens, fathers can feel that their wives are shutting them out from close involvement in their children’s upbringing; they can feel like exiles in their own houses. Only people who live in an echo chamber of toxic positivity will tell you that divorce uniformly brings family harmony, but it does change family dynamics. If nothing else, the court has a say in which parent bears which responsibilities for the children’s care. By investing the time in drafting a parenting plan tailored to your family’s needs and then following it, you can lean into your role as the default parent, or you can break out of the cycle of overloading yourself with parenting tasks while you and the rest of your family grow increasingly resentful. For help drafting a parenting plan where both parents have a chance to take the lead, contact a Boca Raton child custody lawyer.
Once a Default Parent, Always a Default Parent?
When the courts set parenting plans, one of their priorities is continuity in the children’s routine. If the children spent most of their time with Mom during the marriage, the court will keep it that way after the divorce, in order to minimize disruption. Of course, most of the time, the courts do not decide the terms of the parenting plan; instead, the parents decide during mediation. You and your spouse might agree to a parenting plan that does not require the parents to change their work schedules, which would mean that the default parenting situation would remain unchanged. The possibilities are endless, though, and if you and your ex-spouse want to set the framework for a new normal, divorce mediation is the place to do it.
Parenting Plans Can Give the Non-Default Parent a Chance to Shine
The beautiful thing about parenting plans is that your parenting time belongs to you. Your ex-spouse cannot micromanage you when you are with your children. If your ex was the default parent during your marriage, you are now the default parent during your own parenting time, even if it is only the first and third weekend of every month. You get to figure out the perfect bathwater temperature and which pitted olives are just the right size to fit on your children’s fingertips.
Contact Schwartz | White About Co-Parenting With a Default Parent
A South Florida family law attorney can help you adjust to a new family dynamic by drafting a parenting plan that promotes peaceful co-parenting. Contact Schwartz | White in Boca Raton, Florida about your case.
Sources:
scarymommy.com/lifestyle/default-parent-divorce
scarymommy.com/parenting/the-parenting-plan-divorce-custody-marriage
